


Re:New

by Leonee



Series: Memories [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Christmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9226172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leonee/pseuds/Leonee
Summary: Arima is invited to the Christmas party at the Chateau.He has missed Haise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Arima Week ended long ago but I've been struggling with sickness and exams so here is Day 6.
> 
> Prompt: Smile
> 
> Enjoy!

_A Christmas party…_

Sitting alone in his office, Arima drew invisible circles on his desk with his finger, contemplating on what to do. Paperwork was lying abandoned in front of him. He had given up on trying to focus on them. How could he, when his head was filled and flooding with thoughts of Haise? He absent-mindedly nibbled on the inside of his cheek as he remembered how enthusiastic the boy had been as he invited him to the Chateau for a celebration.

_“It would make me very happy if you came.” Haise beamed at him. He joined his hands in front of himself, eagerly waiting for an answer. When Arima gave none, his face fell and Arima could have sworn that he appeared pale. “B-but I… I’d understand if you had work to do…” He drawled as he looked down, scratching his arm and biting his lip._

Arima had wanted to say something. _Anything._ He had just been so shell shocked to speak. Shocked that Haise would invite him somewhere, that he would want him with himself for this special occasion… When he had seen his smile, heard his words, Arima’s mind had stopped. Everything had turned upside down and his heart had skipped a beat. He was left speechless but even if he had found words to say, he wouldn’t have been able to part his lips. He was all but paralyzed. As he looked down, discouraged, Haise had looked so sad… Arima internally slapped himself for being so stiff. Had he hurt Haise again? Had he appeared unwilling? Unkind?

Haise had no idea how much he had wanted to say yes. What wouldn’t he have given for a little more time with him...  

Haise made him feel so many things but he couldn’t… He couldn’t express that to him. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, couldn’t gather the courage… He didn’t know how to. How could Haise be so caring? How could he offer his love so easily? It had always been so hard for Arima.

A million years ago, so far back he couldn’t remember, someone had taken his heart and locked it. Tossed the key away to the sea… To make the perfect killer. The perfect slave… Or was it himself who did it? Had he just wanted to make his inevitable fate easier? Whoever it had been, he wished that they had just ripped it out, burned it so no one could ever return it.

His heart was still in his chest and it hurt. He felt _everything_. He felt every scream, every cruel word…

He hurt but he couldn’t speak it. He was locked up in his own chaos, abandoned in his dark pit of misery.

He blinked. His eyes stung from staying open, staring blankly into nothingness. He tried to shake away the dark thoughts threatening to take over and took a deep breath. He played with his fingers again, his mind wandering back to Haise…

He jumped when he heard a knock.

Clearing his throat, he answered. “Yes?”

The door opened and Akira entered with a file in her hands.

“It’s the case you were looking for.” She explained and handed it to him. It took a while for him to register since he was still a little distracted by his earlier pondering but he managed to reach out and take it. Akira raised an eyebrow at his awkwardness but he simply nodded and thanked her. He placed it in his bag. He was absent-minded sometimes and he didn’t want to return to the office in the middle of the night to grab something again.

Sitting back on his chair, he waited for Akira to leave but she lingered. After a few moments of silence she spoke again.

“Haise is holding a Christmas party at the Chateau.”

He only hummed in response. He wasn’t sure where she was going with this.

“Haise invited you too, didn’t he?”

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow. He really couldn’t see where this was going. “He did.”

“Will you be going?”

His heart jumped again. He was nervous but he really wanted to go…

“I suppose.”

Akira nodded. “I will be driving there. I could drop you off as well.”

 _Oh_.

This was very… considerate of her. Though he had never told her himself, he knew that Akira had noticed he didn’t drive his own car to work. The truth was he couldn’t. Not anymore. Ever since his eyesight had started to go bad, the CCG had forbidden him from driving. It was humiliating a bit, being unable to do even this much by himself. It had also further limited whatever little freedom he had.

“That would be very good. Thank you, Akira.” He accepted her offer and watched her nod before taking her leave, closing the door quietly behind her.

He sighed and removed his glasses to rub his eyes. So he was going to the party after all…

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Akira stopped the engine, announcing their arrival. “Here we are.”

Arima took a second before stepping out of the car, unable to tear his eyes away from the bright lights adorning the Chateau. Along the fence and on top of the roof, the place was illuminated by tiny lights accompanied by colorful decorations.

“Haise really took this seriously.” Akira shook her head but smiled. Arima could only nod.

They walked up to the entrence and rang the doorbell. Arima could hear the chattering and laughter even from here.

He gazed around as they waited. It was a cold night and it was snowing a little. There were stars in the sky because of the light pollution in Tokyo but the tiny lights made a beautiful scene all the same. The cool winter colors met with a bright, golden glow… He would be lying if he said that this scene didn’t give him a warm, fuzzy feeling. He was grateful to be able to witness something like this. For the first time…

The nervousness returned when he faced the door again.

_I have never attended a Christmas party before…_

He had never been invited.

They stood out there for a while. Thankfully, someone opened the door before they froze. It was Mutsuki who answered it and he squeaked at the sight of Arima, clearly not having expected him.

“A-Arima-san!”

Akira placed a hand on her hip and eyed the boy who went pale.

“A-Akira-san! Hello! Uh… Welcome!” He realized that they were still standing outside and finally hurried to step aside to let them in. He looked apologetic. “I’m so sorry that we kept you waiting. You must be freezing!”

They entered and Arima felt a warm wave of air hit his face. It felt good to be inside, away from the freezing cold. It smelled delicious, too. Arima looked around when they arrived in the living room. It was very lively. It felt odd to be part of something like this. It was so _new_. Suzuya and Itou were playing video games along with Shirazu and Yonebayashi. Something was being cooked in the kitchen attached to it. His eyes finally landed on Haise who was preparing the table with Kuroiwa Takeomi.

“It’s pretty lively around here, huh…” He noted, drawing everyone’s attention to himself. Haise immediately looked up as well. His jaw dropping as his eyes met his.

“Arima-san!” Shirazu exclaimed when he looked up from the game. “Seriously?” He elbowed Mutsuki with wide, disbelieving eyes. Mutsuki shoved his arm away.

“Arima-san!” Still playing the game with the controller in her hands, Saiko casually greeted them and waved at him. She had a lollipop in her mouth.

The rest greeted them as well but Arima’s eyes were locked on Haise who was walking towards them now.

“Welcome!” He smiled brightly. “We were just preparing the table for dinner. Urie should be here in  a moment with the additional supplies.”

Arima nodded and handed his jacket to Haise when he extended his arm to take it. They were shown inside and Arima took a seat next to Juuzou to watch them play.

He was aware of the many pairs of eyes watching him. Even Itou’s barely open eyes were staring. He relaxed a bit when they finally pulled away to mind other stuff. He stared at the screen, almost smiling at the childish behavior of the Quinx.

“Saiko, you bitch.”

“You’re too slow, Shiragin.”

Juuzou was cackling next to him. The atmosphere was so friendly, so sincere. Arima felt the fuzzy feeling from earlier again. There was a strange thrill in being with these people, in this environment. He hadn’t experienced a feeling like this before. There was a feeling of wholesomeness. A hearth burning inside of him, melting the ice and easing the nervousness…

He was actually comfortable. He took off his tie and let it fall on the couch.

He almost laughed at himself. He felt warm among these people he barely knew. There was something pulling them together, a center they were all drawn to… His eyes wandered to the kitchen. Haise was working in there with the ingredients Urie had just brought in. He could see his back turned against them.

He went back and forth between going to talk to him and not bothering him.

He decided against it in the end.

Saiko had already finished the lollipop in her mouth and was currently chewing on its stick. “Mamaaaaan, is dinner ready yet?” She whined.

Maman?

“Almost!” Haise called from the kitchen.

Arima suppressed a smile. Haise was Maman. Somehow that was so fitting. He knew that they had become something like a family. Haise fawning over them like a parent, guiding and taking care of them. It made him feel a sting in his heart. He was almost bitter.

“Dinner’s ready!”

Saiko threw her hands up in delight and jumped to her feet, practically running to the dinner table. Shirazu went after her, quietly berating her about using the word “maman” in front of other people. Saiko couldn’t care less, however. She was busy filling her lungs with the delicious smell of food. Arima had to admit that the smell indeed was mouth-watering. Haise had further improved his cooking. He felt that bitterness in his heart again.

They all took their places around the table and Haise served dinner.

It tasted perfect.

He pushed the painful thoughts aside and tried to focus on his surroundings. Laughter and playful banter had filled the room and he was starting to feel at ease once again. He was a part of something and he ought to enjoy it. He shook his worries off and focused on what they were saying.

“Arima-san!”

“Hmm?” He turned to Itou who had been loudly telling the others about… something. He had missed what it was while lost in thought.

“Can you please tell us more about that?”

“About what?” Haise inquired in his stead.

“That he defeated a ghoul with an umbrella instead of IXA! I heard about it from Take.”

Ah. _That_.

 “What’s that?” Shirazu exclaimed with a mouth full of food. His eyes were wide open and he wasn’t alone in this. Everyone, save for Yonebayashi who was too focused on enjoying her food, was staring at him with disbelieving eyes, talking about how impossible or amazing that is.

How ordinary.

It was the same look he had been seeing in his colleagues’ eyes for years now. When they met him, walked by him, shook his hand… They couldn’t believe he was real. Sometimes he himself couldn’t believe it. He was so isolated, so out of touch, he felt like a ghost as he walked on this Earth, unable to connect to anyone or anything.

“Arima-san! Did you defeat a ghoul with an umbrella?” Shirazu’s voice once again rose and pulled him out of his daydream.

“Um… No.”

Well, he had but… He didn’t want to say it. It was so awkward to be stared at even if he was used to it. They were looking at him like he was out of this world, eyes full of awe and expectation. It suddenly felt off to be in this room, in this house, among these people. That sense of wholesomeness and belonging was fading away and it was scaring him. He was starting to feel empty again. His differences was tearing him apart from them. He realized the was clutching the fabric of his slacks and slowly let go. He brought his hands under his chin instead, joining his fingers together so they didn’t fidget again.

“I wasn’t using an umbrella instead of IXA…” He quietly started to explain. He was a bit upset that Take had mentioned this to them. Just when he was feeling a little normal…

“I had brought it in for repairs. So when I faced a ghoul on our way back, I grabbed the nearest thing…”

His eyes drifted to Haise but he immediately looked away when their eyes met.

_Kaneki Ken._

This had occurred right after his fight with the Owl, when they were heading back. They had been walking through the streets of the 20th Ward and a band of ghouls had showed up. The damaged IXA had been taken away and Narukami was being carried by one of his subordinates so he had instinctively reached for the umbrella on the ground.

“Are you shitting me?” Shirazu grumbled. Arima couldn’t help but take note of how much he reminded him of a young Taishi with his orange hair and infinite indiscretion. He rode a motorcycle, too.

Akira shook her head, amused. “Really, you are ridicilous. I feel so out of place with you at our table…”

“Well, we had Special Class Houji fighting alongside and he-”

“Right but...” Shirazu cut him off before he could try to explain and the chattering continued. Arima simply sighed and leaned backwards on his chair.

He regretted sharing it. Sometime in the past, many years ago, he might have felt proud of it. Now, however, it just hurt him. It was depressing.

Urie shifted in his chair and turned to him. He had been quiet for the most part. He tried hard not to give away his nervousness but Arima could read the familiar symptoms in his body language.

“Arima-san, can I ask you a couple of things?”

“Sure.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You really are like a foster parent.”

“Hmm?” Haise looked up and chuckled when he realized what Arima was talking about. “Am I?”

The Chateau had gotten quiet after the guests had left. Itou and Kuroiwa had taken their leave first and Akira had followed. She had offered to drive him home as well but he had turned the offer down, saying he would get a taxi later. He hadn’t wanted to leave early. He wanted to spend time with Haise. He had believed that simply being around him would be enough but it wasn’t. They were always surrounded by others and Haise’s attention was constantly diverted at other things.

He didn’t want to admit that the bitterness he had been feeling all along was jealousy.

At long last, Juuzou, who had been engaged in a heated video game contest with Saiko, accepted defeat and left along with Hanbee. The Quinx had retired to their rooms, leaving Arima alone with Haise.

He had been chatting with Akira and Urie about work related things for the most part. Saiko had started up a conversation with him at some point as well. Strangely, Arima had found her relaxed, laidback attitude cute. She talked about all kinds of things and Arima listened to her attentively even if he didn’t understand most of what she said. He was simply happy to divert his attention away from work for once.

Haise… he was one of the very few people who were able to do that. He couldn’t deny that it felt good to have him all to himself. He watched as Haise opened up a drawer and took something out. When he turned around, he was smiling brightly at him.

“Arima-san.” He extended him a small bag, identical to the ones he had given the Quinx.

He stared for a moment before slowly taking it. His palms were itching and his heart rate quickened.

A gift?

“I’m always in your debt.”

He looked back down at the small bag in his hands. Haise’s smile was radiant, his beauty blinding. He felt a lump in his throat. A gift… How nostalgic. How sweet. The ache in his heart from many years ago was back.

A gesture of affection… Something he did nothing to deserve.

Unable to speak, he opened the bag and pulled out a small item. He held it up to the light and observed it.

“A… Necktie pin?”

“Yeah, I gave Akira a hair pin.” He smiled warmly and Arima almost couldn’t remember his own name. How many more times would he be able to see that smile? That face?

“Thank you very much.” He couldn't say anything more. His heart was burning a hole in his chest. This moment was so beautiful, so precious. He wanted to stay in it forever.

He wanted to return the kindness he had received from this boy. He was the one in debt. He was a dying man and Haise breathed him life. He healed him, pierced him back together, gave him hope. His body was withering but his soul bloomed everytime he was with him.

“Arima-san?”

When he looked into the boy’s eyes, he saw worry written all over them. He wondered what kind of an expression he had. He couldn’t really think in that moment. Nothing felt real. He was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that he was with him, sad that it had to end. It was painful and confusing and he had become so numb from trying to keep the pain at bay.

He reached out and his fingers brushed Haise’s cheek. Their faces had gotten so close and he could feel them both holding their breaths. His fingers slid down to his chin and lingered there.

A flash of thought passed through his mind. This was wrong, he shouldn’t even think of such thing, let alone attempt it but when his eyes fell upon the boy’s lips, he knew it was too late to go back. He couldn't stop himself.

Time went slow as he leaned in and felt Haise's heat against his own skin. The moment was a flash and an eternity at the same time. It was too long, too quick, not enough and perfect. In that brief second when he felt the warm air brush against him, he let his eyes close and resigned himself to what was to come. Every cell in his body trembled with anticipation.

His lips touched Haise's and he felt an almost violent wave washing through his body. His bones shook and his stomach jumped. He could have sworn that his heart stopped beating for the slightest second.

It was a wonderful feeling.

_You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days._

His lips brushed against his again and he couldn't hold back anymore. His hands came to cup his face and he pressed his lips on Haise's fully. The wet sound that echoed in his ears when they finally kissed... He could feel his body burning and he kissed him again. Slowly, passionately...Again and again until tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. He couldn't remember when and where they were. In his thoughts, there was only them.

Only when he finally pulled back for air, reality came back to him and his cheeks burned with the realization of what he had done. Haise was staring at him wide-eyed and with his lips parted.

“A-Arima-san…” If the house wasn’t so quiet and they weren’t so close, Arima wouldn’t have heard him.

He slightly moved away to allow Haise some room for breathing. He couldn’t believe what had just transpired either. He felt light-headed. With Haise’s taste still on his lips, he waited to see what the other would do. Haise looked down at his feet and took a shaky breath. He seemed shaken but he wasn’t doing anything that would imply that he had found his boldness unpleasant. Maybe he couldn’t say it.

He inhaled deeply and ran his fingers through his own hair. “Haise… If you… If you are uncomfortable, you can say it. I won’t be mad at you.”

Haise wasn’t looking at him. Arima slowly reached out, not wanting to alert him, and made him look up so their eyes met. Haise tried to avert his eyes but Arima wouldn’t let him.

“I… I just... I’m confused. Why did you…” He trailed off. His cheeks were rosy and Arima lightly caressed the blush with the back of his hand. There was no point in hiding anything now. He had already gone too far, gotten too close to back away. Besides, he didn’t want to.

He wanted Haise and he would do anything for him.

If Haise rejected him, he would bow to his will and never bring it up again. He would give him distance…

Oh.

Perhaps, Haise simply wasn’t interested in men. It had never occurred to him before. How embarrassing. He should have waited, he should have-

“Arima-san,” Haise spoke, taking a deep breath, as if gathering all the courage he had before looking up. Arima felt fear creep into his heart. He prepared himself for the worst.

“I wasn’t uncomfortable.”

He… What?

Haise scratched the back of his neck. The blush had spread to his entire face now. He looked so cute. It warmed his heart and now that he had given an answer…

“You weren’t?”

“No.”

Arima tried to gather his thoughts. He tried to think of the other implications of these words but he couldn’t come up with anything. Haise’s answer was clear. It made his heart pound in his chest. It felt so good, his body and head felt lighter. He wanted to scream. The emotions that were boiling up inside of him were too much. He could burst any second.

Haise gasped when Arima suddenly pulled him towards himself. His body crashed against Arima’s and his lips were captured immediately after. Arima's arms wrapped themselves around Haise's neck and he pulled him close, strong arms tight around his slim waist. Haise’s warmth was so good, his body felt so right. He needed him like he needed air. He had no idea how he had lived this life without him.

His hands roamed Haise’s body, massaging his back, running down his spine and caressing his hips. His lips brushed against Haise’s chin before sliding back up to kiss him again. He took control, dominating the kiss, making him tremble with every touch. Haise’s body was limp against his own. Arima stepped backwards and pulled away momentarily to breathe before pulling Haise down with him on the couch. The boy all but crashed on the cushion with his shaky legs.

“Haise…” He peppered kisses on his neck, his shoulders, his collar bone… Haise’s eyes were unfocused when he looked into them. His lips were pink and swollen. He looked so beautiful like this. Arima decided that he had to see him like this more often. He cupped his face and brought his face close. He gently, experimentally licked his lower lip, making Haise gasp. He smiled and pressed his tongue against him again. He tasted good. He kissed him and lightly nudged his parted lips so Haise would part them further. It took a while till the boy, in his hazy state of mind, took the message. His jaw fell open, allowing Arima to slide his tongue in without hesitation.

Haise moaned openly this time and clutched Arima’s shirt. He held onto him tightly as Arima’s hands explored his whole body, ghosted over his ass and made him shiver at his boldness. He opened his mouth wider when Arima’s velvet tongue caressed his palate and-

The door was swung open almost violently. “Maman! Did you see-”

Saiko stared at the couple who were entangled in each other, their hair tussled and faces flushed. “Oh.”

“S-Saiko…” Haise was half-sitting on Arima’s lap. He tried to get off, removing Arima’s hands from where they had been caressing his hips but Saiko shook her head and raised her hands to stop him.

“No, no. Please, go on. Don’t mind me.” She walked backwards and quietly closed the door behind her.

A few moments of awkward silence passed and Haise coughed. “I… I need to…” He tried to get off of Arima’s lap but the man wasn’t letting him go just yet. He held him tightly on the spot.

“A-Arima-san!” His placed his hands on the arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Leaving already?” He mouthed against his nape. Haise shivered.

“I… Umm… Maybe not…”

Arima smiled and hummed. Haise turned to face him.

He kissed and nipped at the boy’s shoulder. He was going to make him all his.

“The night is just starting.”  

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think!
> 
> leonee-fiction.tumblr.com


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